Adrift

I feel I’ve gone through the ringer, physically, emotionally…man.

I hope to get back to my regular schedule sometime soon.  For now, though, I suggest visiting http://www.askaninja.com/.  Seriously, go.  Now.

Yesterday I was hungry, dehydrated, and exhausted.  I went to sleep at 9:00 PM and woke up around 7:30 this morning.

And yet I’ll still manage to miss the bus it seems.

*sigh*

Edit: Didn’t actually miss the bus.  So that’s something.

Boy, things are starting to really catch up with me.  I took a half hour nap today coming home from work, but I think I need more.  And more food wouldn’t hurt either, methinks.

So brain dead right now.  Sorry…need to cop out tonight…

I talked with my dad today.  He wanted to get ahold of me so as to figure out what happened with an overpayment he made to the U of I.  Apparently, if I haven’t used it for schooling purposes, I have to pay state taxes on it.

I have no patience for this kind of thing.  All the twists and turns and intricacies of finance; I get tired of it all rather quickly.  My checkbook is proof of that.  I haven’t written in it since it got wet.  Around six months ago.

Really, it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t let the information pile up like this.  Writing down what I’ve spent while I’m spending it is no problem; going back six months trying to find all the money I’ve spent and calculating it all at once is hellish.  This would be solved if I carried my checkbook and pen with me everywhere…but jeans aren’t exactly conducive to such item placement.

Some might argue that video games are filled with intricacies and rules and such.  I would counter that they’re infinitely more fun.

Oh yeah, and I don’t have health/dental coverage since I’m not an active student.  Yay.

Anyway, the thing that stood out for me in the conversation was the revelation of a possibility: I could stay here in Chambana at the Bakery and try U of I for another semester.  Efficient and convenient.  Providing my continued boarding is desirable.

See, I had been thinking about checking out this other college in Beloit.  Beloit College it’s called, for some reason.  They have a great creative writing program (supposedly), I could minor in music fairly easily (it seems), and it’s smaller (definitely).

The only thing I know for certain I’m going to do is to visit this “Beloit College” and see what’s up, hopefully talk to a program advisor of some sort.  It sounds great…but then I’d have to leave where I’ve just gotten settled into.

Argh.  Thinking too far into the future makes me anxious.  And mentally.  Paralyzed.  Nngh…

Backing it up a little, here’s the plan: e-mail Ravi (Beloit Contact), visit Lindenhurst (mom), and…well, work I suppose…

On a completely different note, there’s something I need to admit to.  I have fallen grossly behind in my dental duties.  The past two days I’ve been making valiant attempts to make up for it, but it’ll be slow going to make up for my negligence.

And sugar.  Really need to hold off on that for…lessee…I think two and a half months now…

My first missed post.  I could say that it was due to yesterday being an unexpected day off…so I will.

Yesterday was an unexpected day off.  Thus the late postage.

I blame the (eventually to be) attached file for my forgetfulness.  Because, while I am not obsessive, I do obsess, on occasion.

Double-posty goodness later.  Work now. Yehrrg.  Ahrrg.

Edit: The obsession - Ability Stats List

…Well, not so much anymore.  But today was filled with sugary delights.  And by that, I mean JCPenney chocolate bars.  Little ones with coupons on them.  There were plenty of left over bars, especially after we closed tonight.

That’s all I’ve eaten today, other than the granola/banana/stuff that I had for breakfast (with the understanding that “breakfast” is a relative term when used by me).  Oh, and that cupcake for the person’s birthday it was today, but who didn’t show up due to being sick.

But, in consuming enough sugar to send a reasonably healthy person into a diabetic coma, I have discovered two things:

1 – Being hyper erases inhibitions.  Maybe not all of them, but enough of them for me to swing my arms a little wildly and take larger steps along the sidewalk.  In my right (or perhaps my left?) mind, I’d not do such things for fear of being thought of as weird/fruity.

But you know what?  I don’t really care!  Not right now, anyways.  People can think I’m a nutcase or a fruitcake, and that’s okay.  Because I’m not; I’ve just got a bit of zing in my blood-stream right now.

So I get to have fun with walking.  You can get a really different perspective of the world by taking absurd/silly steps.  And we all need a change every now and then.

2 – Having free chocolate is great.  But not just for its consuption value.  No, the true boon of free chocolate is being able to offer it to random people on the street.  If they accept, you’ve just possibly made someone’s day.  And if they don’t, then you get to eat it!  That way, they won’t think you’re handing out poisoned candy, or something creepy like that.

It was fun offering people chocolate, made even better by discovery #1.  I think the bus driver appreciated it.  And there was one guy in the appartment parking lots who, although not wanting the chocolate, thanked me and wished me a good evening.

Also, since the chocolate is free, I don’t have to worry about what it costs to give it out.

Not looking forward to all the stuff that needs to get put away and straightened up tomorrow, but that’s for then.  Right now, I’m remembering the good stuff.

…One of these days, I’m going to write a video game oriented post.  It will be a step towards accepting that side of me publicly, I think.

The ending time, she comes.

I hate being in a situation where someone is unhappy and I have no idea how to resolve the problem.  Or what the problem even is.

Even worse is when I’m a part of the problem, however convoluted the connection.

This happened to me today, at work.  I’m not sure how much I’m at liberty to talk about all the details, but lets just say that there were two women shopping who had been identified as risks by loss prevention.  I was told to “watch them like a hawk”, but I didn’t really get a chance to.

Not that I want to; I can’t stand being made suspicious of people.  Which is what my work has made me.  Blasted work.

So anyways, these two ladies come up to pay later.  One of them is in her later years, and right off the bat she starts complaining about Jeff watching them while they were shopping.  She went on to say things to the effect of, “That makes me feel horrible, now make it better.”  She had me call the store manager.

Now, before she came up, I had been told that the person she was with had previously worked at JCP, and thus “cleaned us out” quite frequently.

So, this seemed quite true; the older lady had known Jeff’s name when she really shouldn’t have.

But, on the way out, when I told her that I was sorry I didn’t know how I could help, she said something like, “All you people do is watch colored people.”  Oh yes, I forgot to mention that they were black, and that Jeff wasn’t.

That hurt.  First, because I was implied in that statement.  I work for JCPenney, and so an accusation of the company’s character, at least in this instance, felt like an accusation of my character.

Second, this was a response to me trying to resolve the issue.  Total rejection and accusation for offered amends feels AWFUL.  Felt like total crap; still kind of do.

Third, I’m not even sure that her claim is unfounded.  About a month ago, another black couple complained to me about Jeff watching them, and it also felt horrible.  I still remember the guy saying as he walked away, “Should I just walk around like this?”  He had his arms held up in the air, as he would if a gun were pointed at him.

In that case, Jeff had said he was looking at someone else.  And really, I’d like to believe him.  But right after that, Martha (who also got involved; she’s a manager) said that ninety-some percent of theft caused in the store was done by black people.

Then Jeff said that the couple had wanted to call the mall management (or maybe security) and report this experience to them.  And they laughed, since apparently the mall doesn’t have a centralized whatever; complaints for JCP go to JCP.

All of that just…doesn’t sit right with me.  Okay, so 90% of the people in the statistics were black.  That’s 90% of the people who were caught.  As far as we know, it could’ve been that there were twice as many other races of people who were stealing and got away with it.

And all this does is make me feel helpless, guilty, and bitter.  All these misunderstandings, all these hurt feelings, all these shady statements, and for what?  For what?!

A bunch of clothes.

…It just makes me sick.

…

In other news, I figured out how to get my wireless mouse in a usable position.  Allow me to illustrate why this rocks.

Fig. 1: Wireless + laser = AWESOMENESS!

Fig. 2: Mouse >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> mousepad.

Any questions?

Yeap, I had the day off today.  Ended up spending a good chunk of it on the computer, but I made sure to stop at 5:30.  Had to have some good ol’ human interaction, don’cha know.

…I’m pretty boring when I sleep in, huh?  Hopefully there’ll be more to talk about tomorrow.

Alright, before I get to what I had intended to write from last post, there’re a few things to say.  The first of which is: Inara?!

Yep, I took the ol’ Firefly quiz too.  Just a couple minutes ago, in fact.  That’s what I came up with.  Personally, I’m not sure how to take it.  I had kinda thought I’d be a Simon, or maybe a Kaylee, but Inara…?  Well, here’s the whole picture:

Another thing I wanted to say is that I can’t stand it when people tell kids to shut up.  There’s just something inherently wrong with using such a cutting, debasing phrase to quell such an impressionable mind.

The reason I even thought of it was because an older couple (the graying-hair type) came up to my register yesterday with three (or maybe two?) chilluns in tow.  One of them was complaining about something, but not very loudly, and not constantly.  But all the same, the guy picked her up, put her on his shoulders, and told her to shut up.  His voice wasn’t exactly smooth and gentle, either.

What kind of history do you have to have to think that’s okay?  And looking in the other direction, isn’t it obvious what kind of effect that’s going to have on…well, anyone that young?  Seems to me like that kind of insensitivity is what can make kids real brats.  You don’t give any respect, you sure as heck shouldn’t expect any.  And some of the kids’ t-shirts people are peddling these days…

So, moving on, I want to expand my list of bands I listen to.  I’m not sure why this is something I feel I need to do; perhaps it started in high school, when answering what music I listened to with “Weird Al” just didn’t cut it anymore.  Well, it’s never really “cut it” per se, just felt more comfortable.

I have managed to find some bands I like between then and now, like Dream Theater, Evanescence, and Smash Mouth.  But there’s so much more out there, and I know that I’m just so ignorant in that respect.

Part of the problem is that my method for getting into new music has been a vicious cycle.  See, I don’t want to buy new music until I’ve heard it, but unless it’s music that someone has and lets me listen to, all I hear is video game music.  Which is awesome music, don’t get me wrong; I just don’t hear anything outside of it.

There has been a promising solution revealed to me recently, however: the library.  Check out music for free that you can then listen to at home.  Cha-ching, baby.  That’s how I learned that I like Hoobastank’s album “The Reason”, but not the Eurythmics.

Now I just need patience in getting around to listening to all the gems hiding at the Urbana Free Awesome Public Library Meeting Area Place.  Or whatever it’s called…

Also, during a late night raid on Meijer last night, I happened upon the music section, and browsed the titles for anything interesting.  Here’s what I came up with: The Bravery, Armor For Sleep, Shinedown.  I also saw a group called “Him”, but I’m thinking no on that one.  A bit too evil for my tastes, methinks.

Now, to go back and fiddle with my answers on that Firefly test…

…that the makers of Akira had no sense of humor.

Billy and I can now say that we’ve seen it, and that’s quite enough for me.  The movie itself was depressing, dark, gross, long, gross, and ended on a derranged note.  Did I mention that there was grossness?  Because there was.  As well as heaping helpings of brutality.

The reason I mentioned a sense of humor, however, is because at the end of the movie, during the last minute or so of the credits, the music changes from the wild, uncaring percussion to…happy old-timey music!  Ah, ironic contrast.  Not nearly enough to justify seeing the movie, but a gem nonetheless.

Also, as I said I would, let me inform you that there is now a small altar to Reese’s Big Cups in a section of my…stomach.  Those things are G-E-W-D gewd.  And bridge mix.  Mmm, bridge mix…

Man.  I feel like I’m cheating when I write these things on the morning next, but certainly not when I’m writing them.  Whoo, fun times tomor– er, today at work!

Oh, and Bahiyyih, the library movies are on the counter…thingy…next to my door.  I’m leaving a physical note too, but just in case: they’re in the cubbyhole.

Tune in next time for more harrowing hijinks!…or just for me talking about music.  Bands, specifically.  And the contemplation thereof.  Stuff like that.