Guilt from the sidelines.
I hate being in a situation where someone is unhappy and I have no idea how to resolve the problem. Or what the problem even is.
Even worse is when I’m a part of the problem, however convoluted the connection.
This happened to me today, at work. I’m not sure how much I’m at liberty to talk about all the details, but lets just say that there were two women shopping who had been identified as risks by loss prevention. I was told to “watch them like a hawk”, but I didn’t really get a chance to.
Not that I want to; I can’t stand being made suspicious of people. Which is what my work has made me. Blasted work.
So anyways, these two ladies come up to pay later. One of them is in her later years, and right off the bat she starts complaining about Jeff watching them while they were shopping. She went on to say things to the effect of, “That makes me feel horrible, now make it better.” She had me call the store manager.
Now, before she came up, I had been told that the person she was with had previously worked at JCP, and thus “cleaned us out” quite frequently.
So, this seemed quite true; the older lady had known Jeff’s name when she really shouldn’t have.
But, on the way out, when I told her that I was sorry I didn’t know how I could help, she said something like, “All you people do is watch colored people.” Oh yes, I forgot to mention that they were black, and that Jeff wasn’t.
That hurt. First, because I was implied in that statement. I work for JCPenney, and so an accusation of the company’s character, at least in this instance, felt like an accusation of my character.
Second, this was a response to me trying to resolve the issue. Total rejection and accusation for offered amends feels AWFUL. Felt like total crap; still kind of do.
Third, I’m not even sure that her claim is unfounded. About a month ago, another black couple complained to me about Jeff watching them, and it also felt horrible. I still remember the guy saying as he walked away, “Should I just walk around like this?” He had his arms held up in the air, as he would if a gun were pointed at him.
In that case, Jeff had said he was looking at someone else. And really, I’d like to believe him. But right after that, Martha (who also got involved; she’s a manager) said that ninety-some percent of theft caused in the store was done by black people.
Then Jeff said that the couple had wanted to call the mall management (or maybe security) and report this experience to them. And they laughed, since apparently the mall doesn’t have a centralized whatever; complaints for JCP go to JCP.
All of that just…doesn’t sit right with me. Okay, so 90% of the people in the statistics were black. That’s 90% of the people who were caught. As far as we know, it could’ve been that there were twice as many other races of people who were stealing and got away with it.
And all this does is make me feel helpless, guilty, and bitter. All these misunderstandings, all these hurt feelings, all these shady statements, and for what? For what?!
A bunch of clothes.
…It just makes me sick.
…
In other news, I figured out how to get my wireless mouse in a usable position. Allow me to illustrate why this rocks.
Fig. 1: Wireless + laser = AWESOMENESS!
Fig. 2: Mouse >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> mousepad.
Any questions?