Adrift

Yeah, feeling knida random tonight.  Well, not really feeling much of anything this very moment.  Which is what happens when I’ve done something I may regret later.  Something that I should’ve done a long time ago.

I also kinda feel like a bum.  No job, no loan, no socially acceptable hobbies (by which I am referring to video games and the internet).  This feeling is also partly due to that thing I mentioned.

…I’ll tell you all about it once a resolution has been achieved…

In other news…um…Cleric!  Necromancer!  La Pucelle!  They all vie for my attention, but I am merely one man…alas, my existence is too limited.  Le sigh.

I’m twenty.  Not sure how it happened; just kinda snuck up on me.

…Is it possible to alienate oneself from oneself simply by continuing to exist?  Because I think that’s what just happened to me.

…Don’t want to keep thinking about this right now.  I’mma go play La Pucelle Tactics instead.  There’s less critical self-scrutinizing in that.

And maybe brush my teeth.  Best to get that out of the way at five AM.

Well, my biology test was today.

This Monday mishap merely merits mention because I thought it was set for Wednesday.  Saves me the trouble of thinking about studying all the night before without actually doing anything.  A quick moment of panic, and then the test.  Which turned out to be not so bad.

Oh, and my advice from…I guess four or five days ago: don’t ride your bike whilst holding an open umbrella.  Totally not worth it.

Y’know, I have a lot of respect for people who do consistent things online.  Daily bloggers, daily and weekly webcomic artists, Homestar Runner, Ask a Ninja…so many dedicated, motivated people pouring their soul into something on a regular basis.  Man.

About the only things I do on a regular basis are breathe and think.  Well…I exist regularly, anyway.  As much as I can be referred to as “regular”.

 Blatant Segue (But Not Really)!!

There are so many little thoughts and observations I make in a day that go unrecorded, forgotten.  Musings about me, my future, the future of the world, life in general…all lost to the whimsical pages of fleeting memory.  And I know that there are little insights I’ve made that I can’t recall, so that I’m essentially back where I started.  It’s frustrating, taking a little step forward, knowing that I’m just going to be taking it back in a few hours.

But then that fades away too, and I move on.

I keep talking about things I want to do, things I hope to accomplish, talents I should learn and develop and use.  But in the end…it feels like I do a whole lot of talking.  Talking, thinking, feeling…but no follow through.  Is my need to create being stifled by my fear of failure?  Or by itself?  Or is it the effort involved in the act of creativity that’s stalled me?  Or am I keeping myself dreaming of things I could do so that I don’t have to discover how un/talented I really am at them?

…And this is the kind of thing what happens when I let myself think for too long.

BS the Second!!!

So anyway, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am a Final Fantasy Fan.  Hardcore.  This probably explains why I own FF I , II (really IV), III (really VI), VII, VIII, IX, X, X-II(cringe), Mystic Quest, Origins (I & real II), Dawn of Souls (Same, for GBA), Anthology (V & VI), FF IV Advance, Tactics, Tactics Advance (sigh), Legend I, Legend II, Legend III, and Adventure, not to mention FF: The Spirits Within (movie), FF: Unlimited (anime), The Black Mages & TBM: The Skies Above (CD’s), FFT: Original Soundtrack, FF VII: Piano Collection, and the numerous burned copies of soundtracks and piano collections from my good friend Jim “way” back in high school.  And my book of FF VII piano music.

 …Yeeah.  Way hardcore.  Oh, I should probably add numero XII onto the end there, seeing as I’mma get mah preorder on the end of the month.  Mmmm, steel case…

So anyways…I guess the point of that was: video games are a part of who I am.  I see them as not just entertainment, but an art form as well.

I…think I’ve said that before too…well, just for the record then, there ’tis again.

Good tidings one and all; as a parting gift, here is geography.  Made fun.

PS: Sorry for the wait y’all.  Since I’m just so, y’know, vital for your rounds ‘pon the web. [/jovial sarcasm]

Oh, right!  My blog.  Writing.  Ummm…

There ‘ya go!

But yeah, I’m back in college.  It seems like there’s so many things to do (which there are), but when I sit down to do them, my mind goes blank.  Or my motivation starts wilting.

For instance, scholarships.  I’ve signed up at this place called Fast Web to look for them.  I’m pretty sure it’s legitimate, seeing as how a poster in the financial aid office was advertising it.  But anyways, I’ve found that there are a great many out there, and I could apply for a number of them.  But I looked at them, and then…looked at them some more.  I know it’s that or a loan, but even then…

Oh, and if I’m doing that, I’ll need to get on it.  Ay…

On a positive note, though, I’m signed up for all my classes!  And I have a plant!  From my People, Plants & Environment discussion.  Supposedly there are prizes given out at the end of the semester, providing you keep it alive.

I care not about such fickle, transient things.  I will love it and feed it and pet it forever and ever and ever.  Not going to name it though.

…Nnnnope, not going that far.

But it’s my little plant.

I’m not feeling so verbose tonight, and I’ve been meaning to write for a while.  So, here’s some snippets:

A customer appreciated my helping her so much she had me call my manager so she could say as much.  That feels really good.

Working an early-opening eight-hour shift right after a late-night eight-hour shift should be illegal.  Or highly frowned upon.  Either way, it makes for a frustrated Khalil.

EBGames is dangerous for my wealth.  Preorder count: 3.

I LOVE Shadow of the Colossus.  Not so much in the way that Ico holds a place in my heart, but it is greatness all the same.

My last day at JCPenney is August 19th.  Yay!

I have to get ready for school.  Oh jeez.

It is possible to like your manager while at the same time be furious at them.  I don’t know how or why, but it is.

I’m this close to beating Dragon Warrior II, despite the ludicrousness of the given tasks.  So close.

…And that’s about all.  Other than needing to some day find another PS1 memory card.  Evenin’ all.

There’s three of them, and the only connection they have to each other is the fact that I only figured out I was off of work when I got there.

 The first is, “I am such a die-hard Final Fantasy fan.”  No, seriously, as much as I complain about Tactics advance and X-2, I’m pretty sure I’m too loyal to ever break away from the series.  Case in point: After discovering I had hours to spend at my whim, and after beating a hasty retreat back out of the employee entrance, I visited the EBGames at the mall.  Y’know, to pass the time while waiting for the bus.

I am now the proud pre-orderer of a GameStop exclusive, limited-edition of Final Fantasy XII.  It has…stuff.  Everything.  It comes in a freaking steel case.  There was no way I was getting out unscathed after that.

Come to think of it, how could EBGames be offering a GameStop exclusive?  Huh…

Number Two!  “Construction is cool.”  Have you ever seen a backhoe pulling up the concrete ring of a street median?  I have.  And I can confidently say that it was awesome.  It takes some real skill to work one of those things, and it was really fun to watch.  Also, any vehicle whose driver can swivel to face the back end, and thus access a whole different panel of controls, is just…awesome.

Thought the Third: “Why do people wear white shoes?” After relating this to Bahiyyih, it was decided that someone who was not quite in their right mind (or something to that effect) would not be altogether surprising.  But excluding issues of sanity, why?  The sole purpose of the shoe is to protect the foot.  Thus, by extension, shoes are made specifically for getting dirty.  I fail to see how wearing white, the most contaminable color in existance, is a good idea in this instance.

…And yes, that pun was intended…

Edit: I now also have a thirst for the PSP and its gaggle of RPG’s.  They just look…so…gooooood…

I am starting to wonder if there will ever be an aspect of the internet that is free of some form of spam.  And I’m not talking about the debatably edible food product.  Or the broadway show.

It started out with the e-mails.  Okay, so it’s like junk mail.  I can handle that.  Then there were the spam instant messengers.  Not so cool, but at least I have a “report as spam” button.  And they’re not too common.

But tonight I have been introduced to the final blow: spam blog comments.  Pardon my language, but what the hell???  What kind of person do you have to be to make a program that will make bogus posts on someone’s personal piece of the net, just to solicit a link?  Sure, I have to moderate each comment, and I made sure they were all marked for the dirt they were, but twenty-one?  All at once?  And only just now?

And even though they’re obviously not from people I know (or people at all, for that matter), there’s still a little voice in the back of my head that nags me about…I’m not even sure what.  Just deleting comments feels so…ngyahh.  Reminds me of why I’m so very glad I’m not a judge.

Although, I suppose on the bright side, it gave me something to write about.  Otherwise, all I had was that a tornado warning was issued at work, and all of us, customers and associates alike, had to be locked inside for about fifteen minutes.  It ended up being a collective break for us all.

Yeap, the old Ascot luggage of yore has been dealt a crippling blow: one of the wheels is completely broken off.  It can now half roll, half scrape along, leaving a nice trail of black in its wake.

Obviously, this cannot continue.

So, being the loyalist that I am, I thought I’d try to find myself another piece from the same company.  In doing so, however, I have been reminded of an important fact about manufacturers.  Which is that they don’t want to sell you anything!!  Not through their own, non-existent website, anyway.  Seriously, there is only a far distant outside chance of finding a manufacturer’s website.  Google isn’t going to find it, that’s for sure.  It will find a plethora of bogus links that all lead to the same freaking search engine page, but not much more than that.

And even when you do find the dang thing, they won’t take your money without registering first.  I know this because a few months ago I was looking for a cap with the 1-up mushroom on it.  I only found the Biodomes website through a link on some random person’s online resume who had worked on programming the site.  Talk about obscure.

My only hope of resolving the mystery lies in the response to an email I sent to a luggage company that seems to be closely tied to ascot.  Otherwise, I’ll just have to find something else.  Samsonite Side Rollers look really good, but black will make the contents hot and I don’t want red.  Skyway looks nice too…fancy zippers, inline skate wheels…decisions, decisions…

Whatever the final choice, I have few hopes of finding a green bag.  Alas.

Woo, got my third class!  Hopefully learning about the public health system will be both useful and enjoyable.  At the very least, my lecture for that one is Mondays and Wednesdays from 4 – 4:50.  PM.  And the Friday discussion is 10 – 10:50 AM, making it my earliest class.

Methinks this is a good schedule so far…